


Tomorrow Cannot Be Like This

by JennieRenn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 06:36:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2014794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennieRenn/pseuds/JennieRenn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Crowley and Dean Winchester have been best friends all their lives.  Through abuse, Dean has always been there for Cas.  But in Cas's darkest hour Dean proves how deeply he loves Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tomorrow Cannot Be Like This

**Present**  

Castiel sat up and looked around his room. His breath hitched a little giving him the momentary feeling of suffocation. His fingers were covered; covered in blood, covered in mud, covered in ash, covered in semen. The last thought drew his eyes to the warmth next to him. Dean. The beat of his heart changed from steady to rapid. Dean’s skin matched his own, matched the sheets. Dean. He leaned over and brushing his lips against Dean’s ear and whispered into it.

“I love you.” Castiel stood and stretched quietly as much as he wanted to linger in his new flesh he couldn’t.

“If you love me where are you going?” Dean’s voice was deeper, sleep ridden. But his hand had quickly gripped Castiel’s arm.

“Shower. Go back to sleep.” But Dean pulled him in and crashed their lips together.

**10 Years Ago**

Seven year old Dean Winchester hid in the bushes. He was trying to keep his white blonde hair out of sight. This was how he always got caught. Of course his best friend was it so he didn’t mind getting caught to help Castiel find the others.

“FOUND YOU!” Castiel squealed excitedly. His blue eyes showed all of his emotions, they were wide with joy, as if he had found Atlantis.

“You always find me first!” Dean laughed crawling out of the bushes and tackling Castiel. “Come on let’s find someone else.” He said once their laughter died down. It took Dean just five minutes to locate Castiel’s middle sister Anna.

“You found me so you have to give me a kiss.” Anna tried.

“Ew no way. Girls have cooties.” Dean crossed his arms like he had seen his father do when he was being serious.

“You found Anna!” Castiel exclaimed.

“Cas make him give me a kiss!” Anna whined but Dean turned and kissed Castiel’s cheek.

“Only kiss mama, daddy, sammy, and my best friend.” Castiel smiled and hugged Dean. “Now, we have to find Lucifer, Michael, and Gabe.” Dean said sitting down to make a game plan. Dean’s family lived around the corner from Castiel’s. Dean’s family had a mom, Mary, a dad, John, and the smallest Winchester, Sam. At three it was hard for him to play hide and seek. Michael, Castiel’s oldest brother always watched the kids in the summer while the parents worked. The Winchester’s paid him well, but it was easy money because Castiel and Dean were best friends. They had been best friends since playdates as babies and has managed to be in the same class every year in school. This coming year was no different.

“I found Lucifer!” Castiel yelled receiving a high five from Dean.

“You’re the best at this Cas!” Dean said excitedly. They really were a great hide and seek team. They colored well together, helped Dean’s mom bake pies, played the quiet game when Sam and Lilith, Cas’s youngest sister, were taking naps.

“Cas! Damnit!” Lucifer cursed picking up his little brother. “You know you can’t mess up your clothes.” Castiel’s happy face turned sour immediately. “Dean you’ll have to finish on your, Anna you too?!”

“Sorry Lu.” Her five year old eyes well up with tears.

“Don’t cry, we’ll get it cleaned up before dad comes home.” Lucifer assured kissing the top of her head after picking her up. “Come one Dean, game over.”

**2 Years Ago**

“Truth or Dare or Spin the Bottle?” Charlie Bradbury, 15, asked holding up an empty wine bottle. She sat next to her friend Naomi who was sixteen and new to the school.

“Both!” Her brother Balthazar, 17, said sitting on a pillow on the floor. “You get to pick each time. If you choose the bottle it’s standard seven minutes in heaven rules. If you choose truth or dare standard rules.”

“Awesome!” Gabe said sitting next to his best friend Balthazar. They had bonded over sex-ed class their freshman year in high school. “Come on kids!” Gabe called to the now fifteen year old Cas and Dean. Eleven year old Sam was there but only because Dean wasn’t allowed to leave him behind but he was a good sport and Anna who was thirteen the same rules applied. They played several rounds with usual antics.

“Cas, truth or dare?” Balthazar asked.

“Truth.” Cas wasn’t very daring, Dean was the outgoing friend and Cas was the loyal sidekick.

“Okay,” Balthazar looked around and received a nod from Gabe. “Do you love Dean as more than a friend?” Castiel didn’t have to say anything. His body language shifted dramatically. His face flushed red, his head fell until his chin touched his chest, his back stiffened.

“I, well, I,”

“We got it baby bro.” Gabe said patting his back and missing that Dean shifted his position next to Cas a little. Dean was next in the circle and opted for spin the bottle. He never expected it to land on Castiel who turned a darker shade of red.

“You have to go, it’s the rules.” Charlie called trying not to clap her hands in excitement. She had known since she met Cas he was in love with Dean, this was a perfect moment. In the back bedroom they stood for a minute before Dean leaned in and kissed him. Castiel was sure that Dean would push him away. But he didn’t. Castiel sighed into his mouth happy. Castiel’s hands found Dean’s hips, waistband, and erection. The seven minutes were over far too quickly. That night Cas dreamed about Dean, about college and life after. About beaches and tanned skin. About happiness. Castiel’s happiness got him through a rough Sunday and a test first period Monday. But when he saw Dean with is tongue down Lisa Breedan’s throat between second and third it was like a shot to his gut.

“Gotta run Lisa.” Dean said pulling away to catch up to Castiel who never just walked passed him. “Hey Cas wait up.” Dean was running down the hallway and Cas was running too. He couldn’t breathe, he had to get outside. The sun burned his eyes and so did the tears.

“Why?”

“Come on Cas it was a game. If I hadn’t kissed you they would have called us chicken shits until we died.” Dean said pushing his friend’s arm.

“But, I,”

“Dude, you know how much I love the ladies.” Dean gestured to a group of girls who were eyeing them but too far away to hear their conversation. He playfully waved at them eliciting a cacophony of squealing.

“The fact that you were hard for me but not for her really shows that, Dean.” Castiel shot low eyeing Dean’s obviously not hard self.

“The only reason you think you like boys is because your dad beats the shit out of you and touches you in your “no no” place to make you feel better.” It felt like he had been punched in the gut, the wind was knocked out of Cas’s lungs and he gaped at Dean like a fish without water. Then, Castiel couldn’t stop himself, he punched Dean in the face as hard as he possibly could.

“Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you Dean Winchester. I hope you get the clap and your dick rots the fuck off. How the fuck could you?!” Castiel screamed slamming his fist into Dean’s jaw. “Fuck off. If you ever fucking talk to me again I’ll fucking kill you. Such a selfish fucking asshole.” Castiel got one last swing in before storming off. His heart was racing. Dean had always taken care of him after, after episodes with Fergus Crowley. Dean would find a steak to hold over his blackening eyes, make him soup, let him spend the night. And now, he used all of it against him in an argument. No. Castiel wouldn’t dare let him get away with it. “Michael can you pick me up from school?” His oldest brother lived in an apartment across town and while he wouldn’t rescue the younger Crowley children from their abusive father he would support them when he could.

“No sorry. Fergus will kill you if you cut classes.”

“I don’t give a goddamn come get me.” Castiel yelled into his phone. “You know what, fuck it, look out for yourself like always. I’m walking home.” He hung up his phone angrily. He walked home slowly, taking the long way so he wouldn't have to walk past Dean's house.  It was well past time for him to be home when he walked up the driveway. His dad was home when he arrived and Cas could hear the screams of either Lilith or Anna from the yard. Castiel rushed in, eager to feel the pain of this one, anything to take away the pain of what Dean had said. To take away the pain of an ended friendship. To take away the pain of love scorned. When the nurse would ask he would just say it was because he got in a fight with his friend. It was a half truth but it would do.

**6 Weeks Ago**

Castiel woke up to hearing the sounds of flesh hitting flesh. Soft mumbles below him, Anna’s room. He couldn’t quite make out what was being said but it was followed by a lamp shattering. The next thing he knew Lilith, her thirteenth birthday was tomorrow, Cas looked at the clock, today, was crawling into bed with him.

“Shh little one.” He soothed wrapping his arms around her. “You’ll be okay.” He kissed her white blonde hair. After a while Anna came in to join them. They were the last three in the house, Gabe was at college in New York, Lucifer lived in Miami, and Michael still just paid for their hospital bills. “Anna, you okay?” Cas asked softly so not to wake up Lilith.

“No. I,” she hiccuped “I’m pregnant.”

“Fuck, fuck, okay. I’ll call Michael in the morning.” In the softening light of the morning Castiel could see the bruises forming along her collarbone. Castiel didn’t need her to say it, it was his dad’s. It was fucking sickening. “What do you want to do?”

“I want to get rid of it!” She almost screamed but managed to control herself.

“Okay, we’ll take care of it.” He kissed her hair and gave up his spot in the bed for her. There was, in theory safety in numbers. They slept in the same room like this half the week. The girls fell asleep clutching one another and eventually Cas drifted off too, his back was pressed to the door, anything to help keep their father out. Castiel wasn’t paying attention, his focus was on the text message he was furiously sending to Michael. Which is why he ran squarely into a brick wall of a person.

“Hey little one, whatcha doing?” Pitcher, Castiel couldn’t remember his name.

“Sorry man, texting, you know how it is.” Castiel said by way of apology.

“Yeah, not a good enough excuse.” He shoved Cas back into the lockers.

“Stop!” Castiel’s unflinching blue eyes shot up. Dean, always fucking Dean, still.

“Hey Winchester, why do you care about this little thing?”

“It’s not worth the team having to run Carolina’s or Wooten’s field. Leave him alone.” The guy shoved Castiel again making his head slam into the locker.

“Eyes up next time, yeah?”

“Whatever asshole.” Castiel snapped. When he rounded the corner Cas focused on Dean who was rubbing the back of his neck.

“Look, Cas,”

“Fuck off Dean!” He shouted. “I don’t need your fucking help. I deal with worse shit than that. You don’t just get to swoop in and save the day anymore.”

“Cas,” Dean grabbed his arm.

“I don’t fucking need you! You’re not the hero in some story. If you haven’t let go of me by the time I finish this sentence I’m gonna knee you in the balls so hard you won’t have kids, ever, which is probably good considering how much pussy you get.”

Dean let go and watched Castiel walk away. He had been trying for two years to apologize. They even got paired up in science once and Castiel did his half gave it to Dean and told him that if he failed because Dean was a dick he’d key the Impala that John had given him for his sixteenth birthday. They got the highest grade. Dean had placed cards and letters into Castiel’s locker, watched Cas read them and tear them into tiny pieces. Dean had started playing baseball because Cas took their friend group when he kicked Dean out of his life. Not that Dean blamed him, Dean and the rest of the Winchesters blamed Dean.

Dean had been a real douche, no he’d been an asshole. He was afraid of the feelings that Castiel made him feel and so he pushed him away. But Castiel had left a void deep inside Dean. He intentionally threw his best friend away so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the way his best friend made him feel. He deserved to feel like dirt. Even more so because he used a situation Castiel couldn’t control against him.

Castiel cursed under his breath because Dean still made that wound hurt. It hurt more than anything Fergus did to him. It was a wound that would never heal. Dean was fire and ice. He would burn through him like a searing poker and freeze his heart to help him protect himself. When his father came at him he imagined Dean and it hurt less. Dean, even though they hadn’t spoken in two years, was still his best friend. He still loved Dean Winchester when he knew better. He was thinking about this as he crawled into the backseat of Michael’s Tahoe with Anna in the front seat. He was somehow always thinking about Dean.

“Look Anna,” Michael tried.

“I’ve asked to come live with you multiple times. Just fucking drive.” Anna bit at him. This was another situation where Castiel couldn’t blame anyone for their anger. “You let us continue to live there. You didn’t get half of what we get. You could save us.” She pleaded. “At least take Lil.”

“If he finds out I’ve seen you he’ll kill you. You think me taking you away will solve anything?” Michael defended. He had called CPS but Fergus Crowley was a doctor and he could fix most of their wounds himself. His house was kept clean and whenever CPS showed up it was when he was away on a trip and their bruises were minimal, typical bruises of children. They didn’t talk anymore. They certainly didn’t talk after the procedure. When Michael dropped them off in front of the Winchester house so they could walk home he gave them each $40 for whatever and drove off. Upon entering their beige house they saw Lilith laying at the bottom of the stairs, arm laying in an unnatural way.

“Shit!” Cas said looking her over, she was unconscious.

“Oh you’re home.” Crowley was standing at the top of the stairs looking down on them. “Where have you been? As you can see the interrogation with Lilith has come to a standstill.”

“I went to the doctor about…” Anna let the sentence fall. “I’m taking her to the hospital.” Anna went to scoop Lilith up into her arms.

“Oh no you don’t.” Fergus moved down the stairs with speed and grace. “What doctor?” He looked her over and realized she had been crying. “Did you get rid of it?!” He screamed at her.

“Yes!” She yelled back. “Yes you sick bastard I did.” She couldn’t help herself. Crowley raised his hand to hit his daughter but Castiel shoved him.

“Run Anna, to the Winchester’s.” He swung at his father’s gut. “She fell down the stairs, go now!” Anna was out the door and Castiel found himself on the floor. He was pretty sure he could hear his ribs cracking.

“Don’t interfere you little shit.” Fergus yelled kneeling over Castiel gripping his head and slamming it into the granite foyer floor.

Castiel saw his world go black. He woke up to pink light outside the windows. _Anna_ , _Lilith_ his mind went crazy. He tried to move and threw up all over himself. He reached into his pocket but his phone was missing. Michael. His whole family was in danger now. He should have deleted his text messages. He knew better. It was inches away from his hand, he knew his dad had looked through it. He pressed the phone emblem and then speed dial number 2. Dean. Always Dean.

“Castiel?” Dean’s voice was full of question.

“Help.” Was all Cas could manage. A tear slipped down his face. He hadn’t felt this kind of physical pain in a long time. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to have to call Dean but Michael lived thirty minutes away, on the other side of town.

“Don’t hang up Cas. Are you at your house?”

“Ye, yes.” He didn’t want to need Dean’s help. But Dean, eager to be in Castiel’s good graces, would do anything. This was not Castiel’s thought process though. He wanted comfort and Dean would give that to him.

“Stay with me Cas. I’m almost there.” He could hear Dean breathing heavy. He had been at home. He was running. The porch steps creaked and the door knob turned. Castiel feared it wasn’t Dean but had it been his father he couldn’t have stopped him.

“Oh fuck Cas." Dean slipped to the floor next to him, his knee making a squishing sound in what Castiel assumed was his own blood. “You have to go to the hospital.”

“No.”

“Cas, I’m pretty sure your skull is cracked. Can you sit up.”

“No. Ribs.” Dean pulled up his friend’s shirt and sucked in an angered breath. Castiel’s chest was black and blue. Lower on his hips were yellow and green older bruises.

“Please Cas, please let me take you to the hospital. We’ll go to one out of town.” Dean could feel his tears coming. He had never seen Castiel so broken. Crowley had done a number on his face, but his skull and ribs were Dean’s main concern.

“I, whatever.” He stopped, gripping Dean’s shirt. “Anna, Lilith, Michael.”

“Dad took Anna and Lilith to the hospital. Anna said she fell down the stairs. I haven’t heard from Michael, not since,” The sentence fell between them like air from a closed crypt. “Oh Cas, I’m so sorry.” Dean moved to get up. “I’m going to get the Impala.”

“No!” Castiel yelled sitting up quickly and throwing up again at the pain. “Can’t leave me.”

“Right.” Dean picked his phone up. “Sam, I’m at the Crowley’s house. Bring the Impala to me. Listen, drive slow and don’t get caught. Leave the keys in the ignition and run home fast.” He hung up. Sam worshiped his older brother he would do what he was asked. When the rumbled of the Impala died Dean stood watching his brother run as if wolves were chasing him back around the corner. “I’m going to carry you.” Castiel made a noncommittal grunt. Dean tried to move slowly so that Cas didn’t throw up again. He laid him in the backseat and placed a towel under his head. He drove fast, too fast probably but Castiel had lost a lot of blood.

“Hello?” Michael’s voice sounded scratchy.

“Mike, it’s Dean.”

“Why the fuck are you calling me?!” He cut. He had to pick up part of the pieces after their whole debacle. It figured that Michael would be mad at him.

“Cas called me. I’m taking him to Leavenworth General.” He paused a bit. “Michael it’s bad.”

“Dean!” Castiel called from the back seat.

“What babe?” He hadn’t meant to say it but there was so much going on he didn’t have time to filter.

“Vomit.” Dean swerved off the road and helped Cas lean out of the car just enough to throw up again.

“Dean what’s going on?” Dean had forgotten Michael on the phone thrown across the seat. He grabbed the phone and held it to his ear while Cas dry heaved. “I don’t have details but I’m pretty sure your brother’s skull is cracked and I know he’s got broken ribs.” Dean said wiping Cas’s mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. “You okay to keep going?”

“Yeah.” Was all he could say. He leaned against the back of the seat while Dean shut the door as gently as possible.

“The girls?”

“My dad took them to the hospital three hours before Cas called me. Michael he was bleeding on the floor for three hours!” Dean yelled pushing his Impala more than he ever had. He had to hang up to concentrate on driving. It was no wonder Castiel could barely keep his eyes open, he had been bleeding externally and internally for three hours. Dean suppressed the lump in his throat. He had to be strong now, for Castiel. He ran four stop lights and three stop signs in Leavenworth and slammed into the parking stopper at the hospital. Slipping his arms under Castiel he carried him into the hospital. Emergency room nurses see everything, so when they are legitimately rushing toward you, you know it’s bad.

“You have to stay here.” She was young, pretty blonde.

“NO!” Castiel yelled gripping Dean’s shirt. “Dean, please.” He was openly weeping. “Don’t leave me.” The nurses were pulling his fingers free. “Dean…” His arm was reaching out for Dean but security was holding him back. Dean could hear Castiel’s screams, it was making the other people in the waiting room unsettled. Dean paced for ten minutes. Went outside and bummed a smoke from some guy. It hurt his lungs, he started right after his fight with Cas but quit for baseball. Now seemed like an alright time to indulge.

“Are you Dean?” a dark haired nurse in green scrubs asked.

“Yes, yes I am. Is he okay?”

“We don’t know, he won’t let us do anything. We’ve given him a sedative and he still won’t calm down. We’re afraid to give him more with his head injury. We need you to talk to him.” She was kind, and seemed to understand there were greater issues here. Dean tried to remain calm while he walked in. They had Cas’s arms tied down and he was still thrashing about, weakly, but thrashing.

“You have to take the restraints off him.” Dean said, he was flashing back to raw marks on Cas’s wrists, ankles, throat. He knew Cas was there too. Crowley using him in the most unholy of ways. “Trust me, you have to.”

“Dean?” At hearing his voice Castiel’s body stilled and relaxed.

“Hey, hey, I’m here. Look, they’re gonna take these off of you, I’m going to get some water while they get those straps off you. Don’t hurt anyone while I’m gone.” Dean leaned over and kissed his forehead. Castiel attempted a smile. Dean stepped into the hallway with the nurse, Tessa, he sucked in a breath and tried to fight back tears, he was failing.

“Is this blood?”

“Yes, I fell in it when I found him.” Dean confessed realizing he didn’t have a story ready. He gathered his thoughts and was back at Castiel’s side as quickly as he could. “Hey you.” Dean said sitting in the chair next to Castiel.

“You didn’t lie.” Cas weakly pointed out. He hoped he remembered this. He hoped he wasn’t dreaming. He hoped Dean as really here.

“No. I didn’t. Not this time.” Dean reached out and took Cas’s hand.

“We have to do a CT scan and an MRI. We need to stitch up his head and do x-rays for his ribs.” Doctor, Dean didn’t remember said. “Are you his family?”

“Best friend.” Dean answered half truthfully.

“Where is his family?” The doctor looked angry.

“I don’t know where his brother is. I called him on the way over.” Dean said. Castiel remembered he was talking to Michael in the car, that was good.

“Okay, what about his parents?”

“His mom is dead.”

“His father?” Castiel went tense under Dean’s hand.

“Dead hopefully.” Castiel muttered.

“I don’t know.” Dean said after shushing Cas.

“You can’t really make decisions for him.” The doctor said angrily.

“Hang on.” Dean pulled his phone out nervous fingers dialing Michael’s number. “Where are you?” He bit angrily. Panic was starting to set heavy in Dean’s stomach.

“Lobby. Just got here.” Dean hung up and ran out to get him. Pulling him back quickly. “Jesus fuck.” Michael said seeing how covered in blood Dean was and then repeated the sentiment when he laid on his brother. “I’m Michael Crowley. That’s my brother Castiel.” The doctor explained everything again and Michael gave the go ahead. Time was important now. Every second.

“Cas, you have to have surgery okay. I’m going to be here when you wake up. I promise. Cas, I promise.” Adrenaline wearing off and sedatives becoming stronger Castiel’s eyes grew heavy.

“I love you Dean.” He said before slipping under.

Dean sucked in a harsh breath, he felt hot anger rising up in throat. It burned and then it spewed forth in the form of vomit. He was fast though, getting himself to the trashcan. It spewed forth in his hand slamming into the wall. If he hadn’t fucked things up two years ago he could have gotten Cas out of that house. It spewed forth in the form of tears streaming down his face. He pulled out his phone and dialed quickly.

“Gabe, it’s Dean.” Dean chocked out.

“You crying Dean-o?” Gabe asked. It sounded like he was drinking. If any family had earned their alcoholism it was this one.

“Yeah.” Dean looked over at Michael whose dark hair was disheveled.

"I hope you’re crying ‘cause you realized how much you fucked up my brother.” Gabe never was delicate with anything. With Gabe everything was black and white. Harsh, even in the funny times.

“I need Lucifer’s number. I know you’re the only one in the family who has it.” Dean pushed ignoring Gabe’s comment because self loathing wasn’t really a luxury he needed to indulge in right now.

“Dean, what’s going on?”

“Don’t ask questions just, I need the number.” Gabe gave it to him and Dean scribbled it on his pants. “Talk to Michael.”

“What? Why are you,” concern dripped through Gabe’s voice.

“Hey little bro, there’s kind of a lot going on.” Michael spilled to Gabe. Anna’s pregnancy, Anna’s abortion, Lilith’s trip to the hospital, and Cas. He confessed to not knowing what Dean wanted with Lucifer but he trusted Dean right now. He could see how anger had settled in Dean’s eyes. He was actually a little scared of Dean. When he hung up he handed the phone back. Michael had seen John Winchester’s eyes grow cloudy with anger once, just after their mother died. John had gone over to pick up Sam and Dean and caught Fergus hitting Michael for no reason; but that was the only time he had been caught and the only time Michael had seen a Winchester angry. “Can you call your parents and ask about the girls?” Dean obliged, idleness was starting to wear on him.

“They’re at my parents right now.” Dean said making eye contact with Michael.

“Tell your parents I’m on the way. Tell them not to let my father in. Tell them, whatever you have to. I’ll meet them somewhere, something. I’m taking them.” Michael got up and walked out of the hospital room. He knew John Winchester would take care of those girls until he got to them. He was as fierce as a mother grizzly and even though the families weren’t as close as they had been, loyalty was practically part of the Winchester coat of arms.

And Dean paced. He walked back and forth, he sat down, he stood up. He walked a lap around the hospital floor. After two hours they rolled Cas back to his room. He was still asleep. Blood cleaned off his face Dean could see his black eyes. His head was wrapped in a bandage. The nurse tried to get Dean to eat but he wasn’t having any of it. He gripped Castiel’s hand and waited. Sleep crept up on him, he was waiting for a night shift nurse to tell him he couldn’t be there but no one came to bother him.

“De,” Castiel croaked. “Dean.”

“Castiel!” It was an excited whisper. He grabbed the green hospital cup that had water and a straw and pressed it to Castiel’s lips. He drank slowly then laid his head back against the pillows.

“You really were here.” Castiel let his eyes close again.

“Yeah, I really am. How are you feeling?”

“You called me ‘babe’?”

“I’ll call you whatever you want me to.” Dean was crying again. Just streaming tears, no sobbing, or wailing, just tears. “I was so scared Cas. There was a lot of blood. I was so worried I was losing you. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. I’ll never lie to you again.” Castiel still hadn’t opened his eyes.

“Did you love me then?” His voice was a soft, steady, calculated whisper.

“I loved you then. I loved you when we were seven. I love you now. I’ll love you next week. I’ll love you when I die.” Dean spilled his feelings as if they burned to contain them. “If you send me away I’ll go. I’ll love you from a distance, I’ll love you up close, whatever you want, whatever you need.”

“I want to kill my father.” Castiel said. It was a test and it was honest.

“You want to help or you want me to?” Castiel opened his eyes and looked straight at Dean, into Dean, through Dean. He had never expected Dean’s response to be like that. "If you want me to, I'll bring you his heart in a box." 

“So you would do it yourself?” Cas watched Dean’s face has resolve set in. His mouth was a thin serious line, anger flashed through his eyes, then sorrow. He nodded slowly, searching Castiel’s fact to make sure this was what his friend wanted. “I won’t ask you to do it alone. But I wanted to know if you would. Will you help me?”

“Yes. Of course.” Dean realized they were still holding hands. He laced their fingers together.

“Will you stay with me?”

“If you want me to. When they let you leave, why don’t you move in with my family for a little while?” Dean offered. If the girls were at Michael’s Castiel would be the only punching bag.

“Not a good idea. He’ll go to your house. Hurt your family.” Castiel sighed closing his eyes again.

“Michael is taking the girls. I’m going to call Lucifer, have everyone go visit him during Spring Break, send Sam with them. That will be the best time. Six weeks, you’ll be all better.” Dean let his thoughts run through his mouth, laced with love, tainted with hate, dripping with malice. “Castiel, if you hadn’t asked if I would help you I was going to do it on my own.” Castiel looked at him.

“Why? We hadn’t even talked.”

“Because I let you suffer alone for two years. You needed me and I was an asshole. I’ll never forgive myself for what I said to you. Never. If the cops get involved, I’m taking the fall for this. You’re smarter than me, you probably know a better way but I’ll take all the fall for it. Because despite how much I deserved to have you actually key my car, to cut off my dick you didn’t, and, and I love you, and you’re still my best friend, and I’d still do anything for you.”

“You don’t have to,” Dean stood and abruptly kissed him, pressing their lips together, careful not to set any weight on Castiel’s taped chest.

“I would die for you Castiel.” Dean said pulling away slightly. “I would die.” He slipped his lips over Cas’s again, pulling them apart with his teeth and claiming a mouth that had been his for years anyway. The way Castiel sighed into his touch, they way he kissed him back. Dean could have had this two years ago, this happiness that swelled in his chest. It was choked back by anger at himself and hatred at Fergus Crowley but under his lips was his reason for living; his next breath. He knew in the deepest, darkest depths of his heart he would truly die for Castiel.

**15 Hours Ago**

“I don’t want to leave you here!” Lilith wept, her arm still in a cast. Her white blonde hair braided neatly and rounded into a bun.

“I’ll be there in just a few days. Dean and I need to finish a project.” Castiel said kissing her forehead. His ribs were technically healed but there was a noticeable pinch in them still. He had taken Dean up on his offer to stay at their house while his ribs healed. John and Mary Winchester were so pleased to have Castiel back in their house they complied when Cas insisted that they not call the police. Anna had cut her red hair short, to match Charlie’s, who was also joining them on this trip. Sam bounced next to Lilith. John and Mary had been so excited their kids were friends again that they didn’t care that Sam went all the way to Florida with Michael and the others for a few days. John being a bigger man turned Crowley away more than once and only once with a gun. Gabe had flown in and was helping Michael drive down. Dean and Castiel waved them away, Dean’s arm supportively around Castiel’s waist.

“You ready for this?” Dean asked burying his nose in Castiel’s hair.

“I’ve been ready for this for my whole life.” Cas answered his eyes never leaving the Tahoe that drove away. The innocents needed not be here for this. Castiel gripped his own duffel bag. This would be the first night he had spent in his families house since his bludgeoning. He was ready for his father to beat him. He was ready to pay his father back. They left the Impala next to the empty spot where the Tahoe belonged. It led credence to the fact that they had gone with their family to Florida. They walked across town, it was slow going, but they made sure to stay clear of traffic cameras. They went around the back through the edges of the park on the other side of the wooded areas behind the Crowley home.Fergus Crowley always had Friday’s off. Thursday night would be set up, until he got home.

They climbed up the tree to Castiel’s window. Dean went first so he could help the blue eyed beauty he now got to call his boy friend. Despite the first six weeks of their relationship had been based on the planning of a crime it was been good. Soft kisses. Sweet touches. Nothing more than making out. Dean had seen to that. Once back at school they just made it known. Girls wept in large groups at the knowledge that both of them were taken. The nerdy girls wept over Cas and everyone else over Dean. No one dared make a snide comment; Dean would have ripped their throats out and everyone knew it. Dean was allowed to leave classes early to help Cas carry his bag. But now, this was what they had planned so long for. As far as the Winchesters knew Sam and Dean had gone to Florida. They wouldn’t have to lie, and Fergus Crowley had an extra car he allowed his son to drive since the Tahoe was too full and they had a project to finish so they would be going down tomorrow or the next day.

“It smells rotten.” Dean said opening Castiel’s door to the hallway. They walked down the stairs to find a dried puddle of blood in the shape of Castiel’s head The smear where Dean’s knee had been was visible. “Has he even been here since?”

“Yes.” Day old food sat on the stove. “He always was such a fucking slob.” Castiel said reacquainting himself with his house. “Safe first.” He said walking into his father’s office. He slipped into gloves and deftly turned the dial and opened the safe. He pulled out Crowley’s will and read through it quickly. He left everything to Lucifer; that would be okay. Lu would make sure everyone was taken care of. Placing the will back into it’s resting place he shut the safe and twisted the dial. “Perfect.” He picked the spare keys to the Lexus and placed them in his pocket. “For later.” Also in his pocket were the keys to Michael’s apartment, also for later.

“Should we move the Lexus now?” Dean asked closing the door behind him.

“No. It’s at a private garage. We’ll just grab it when we’re done here.” Castiel assured him. “Hey,” he gripped Dean’s arm and pulled him down for a kiss.

“All the way.” Dean said when they broke apart. A promise, it spoke of more than just the activities that were about to happen. In the kitchen they laid down plastic shower curtains and paper over the vinyl flooring. Fergus Crowley while a well to do doctor was a cheap ass. His bank account was overflowing and his house needed serious work done to it. On the table Castiel laid out his father’s silver plated surgical kit that he had pulled from it’s shelf in his father’s office. Checking the clock on the wall for the time he knew he was okay. They had an hour before his father would be home. Twenty miles out of town was an abandoned and dried well with five, three gallon gas cans waiting at the bottom. For disposal. Sure someone would find it, but they had to because how else would anyone know Fergus Crowley was dead. That and those tickets to Miami that he wouldn’t be using. Dean went around and made sure all the windows and doors were locked. When Crowley got home he would lock and block the front door as well. At ten minutes Castiel’s heart fluttered; but that could have been because Dean stretched and Cas could see the hickey he had sucked on to Dean’s hip two days before. When the garage door opened there was a slight moment of panic but they flashed a few glances and readjusted quickly and quietly.

“What the fuck are you doing here you ungrateful faggot?” Fergus asked walking through the door and shutting it.

“I was just getting some of my stuff.” Castiel said his somewhat planned words.

“Anything here is mine. You can’t have shit, except this beating you’re long overdue for. I see that Winchester piece of shit has been taking care of you.” He took a step toward him landing three punches squarely on his cheek bones. Castiel fell backwards onto the floor knocking his head against the table. It had to look authentic. Crowley took another step forward and Dean swung, line drive to the back of the head and Crowley fell forward onto the floor next to Castiel.

“Nice hit.” Castiel said proudly. “We better make it to state championships this year.” He said smirking and setting the now bloody bat on the butcher paper. They made quick work of getting him into the chair, tying him up and gagging him. They heated the dinner they brought with them. Crowley started to wake up, eyes unfocusing, but roaming around the room. He struggled and Castiel ignored him.

“Fast or slow?” Dean asked coming to stand between Castiel’s legs.

“Slow, painful.” Cas answered leaning up to kiss Dean. “Make him suffer.” Dean smiled and kissed Castiel again before picking up the bat and slamming in, without warning, into Fergus Crowley’s left knee. Crowley screamed in pain, or it would have sounded like a scream if a dirty, mold encrusted dishtowel hadn’t been shoved into his mouth. “I’m sorry.” Castiel said his voice slippery with concern. “Did it hurt?” Castiel put his hands on the arms of the chair Crowley was in. “Fucking awesome.” He reached over and picked up the silver scalpel and shoved it deep into Crowley’s kidney. “Kidney right? Well that’s the left one but it is a kidney isn’t it?” Crowley for the first time in his life look genuinely scared. “Dean,” Cas said turning around and looking at the sexy blonde behind him who was watching with pride. “A tracheotomy would keep him quiet.” Crowley wobbled in the chair.

“Tricky though.” Dean said pulling a spoonful of peanut butter out of his mouth. “Might slip and cut his jugular.”

“True.” Castiel said setting the bloody scalpel on his cheek in thought. “He might try to get away.”

“Got it, babe.” Dean said picking up his bat and slamming this time into Crowley’s right knee. Castiel could hear the muffled curses his father was pouring into the disgusting dishtowel. Before he could recover Castiel cut across his stomach, a knick, just enough to pour stomach acid into his bloodstream.

“That’s gonna hurt.” Dean couldn’t help but be attracted to the power and control Castiel was showing right now. His hands were getting slick with blood so he wiped them on his arms. Dean licked his lips; he had wanted to fuck Cas for years but now, he could feel like in his blood, pumping through him. “Are you sad?” Cas tilted his head to side wiping his hand down his throat smearing the blood further. “You’re sad. Cause I’m hurting you?” Crowley nodded. “Funny, what goes around, as they say.” Castiel walked around him stabbing him in the muscle that ran from his neck to deltoid. “See, Michael and Lucifer, they didn’t have it as bad, mom was still around. Of course we all know you killed her, whether she really killed herself or not you are the reason.” He kept circling, Dean noted he looked like lion just crouching for the kill. “But Gabe, the girls, me, oh this is for them.” Crowley made some kind of begging noise. “Oh you want sympathy? You raped your own children!” Castiel yelled into his ear. “Gabe has never said, but you did rape me. And I know you raped Anna, and I’m pretty sure Lilith too.” Castiel made a long slash along his chest. “No, no, stay with me.” He slapped his fathers face hard before giving him a solid punch. “A successful doctor has to rape his children. Not man enough to find a nice woman to fall in love with. What a sick fuck.” Castiel cut a gash from his nose across his cheek. “I hope you suffer. I hope hell has a very special place for you.” He paused in thought. “You know I’m not afraid of getting caught, although it seems unlikely. I have enough medical records to show abuse. I have Dean’s accounts for the times I didn’t go to the doctor. Plus the girls and Gabe. And you rose to the occasion, thanks for that by the way. Justifiable. I was afraid for my life. “ He mocked his testimony. “Then I ran and tried to defend myself. Dean gave me his bat for protection and I just, I snapped. He put me in the hospital for three days last time.” A single tear rolled down his face. “And these big blue eyes, no jury would ever dream of convicting me.” He leaned forward. “Which is why I don’t feel bad about this,” and sliced across his father’s throat sending blood spraying across over Dean. He wiped his face with the back of his hand smearing blood all along his face. Castiel watched as the life drained out of his father neck. The weight of his childhood lifting.

“Cas, babe.” Dean walked up behind him and slipped the scalpel from his hand. “It’s almost over.” He kissed behind Cas’s ear. “I love you. You’re so strong.” Cas leaned his head back and kissed then nipped at the bottom of Dean’s jaw.

“Let’s finish this shit.” Cas said pouring bleach over the scalpel in his hand and gingerly setting it back in the blue velvet lined box. They cut the body free and Dean rolled it up while Cas bleached the chair and all the others so the forensics team wouldn’t be able to tell which chair or table counter had been used, everything but the corner of the table where Castiel had hit his head. Bleach everything he had told Dean last week when they were putting the final points on their plans. They rolled Crowley in the area rug from his office. “Dean.” Cas said pausing his bleaching.

“Yeah?”

“He helped us out so much. He parked in the fucking garage.” A smile spread almost sickly over his mouth.

“Destiny baby, destiny.”

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard when we’re done with this.” Dean’s breath hitched and he focused more on his task and not the images of Cas that assailed his mind. They got him into the car, making sure it was lined in clean shower curtains and butcher’s paper. They filled paper bags with the bleached paper towels and dollar store dishtowels they had bought on and off for six weeks. Two dollars cash each week wasn’t hard to come up with. They bathed and changed their clothes, Dean was sad to see the blood come off his boyfriend’s face. They bleached the showers and full bathrooms too.

“Ready?” Dean asked tossing Cas the keys. They had locked all the doors and turned the lights down. They got in and drove, in silence. They were both contemplating what they had done; they were both proud.

The well stood open, no one around. Dean pulled the body and bags out while Cas pulled up the gas cans. He poured one whole can in the bottom of the dry well. Next went his father’s body. Then another can of gasoline. Each of the bags was covered in gas then two more added to the well saving just enough to pour on their own clothes before lighting them and dropping them down the well followed by the gas cans. They hit a car wash on the way home to wash off any outside trace. The neighborhood was quiet when they pulled back into the garage. Cas’s arms were covered in soot and he didn’t give a fuck. Dirt from dragging things out of the well and his father’s body into the well caked his fingers. He’d wipe the inside of the car down tomorrow morning or sometime before they left. They made it up to the safety of Castiel’s room without touching anything.

“Don’t wash.” Dean said grabbing Cas by his shirt and sinking his lips against the blue eyed man. “I have a confession.” He breathed against Castiel’s neck, licking over some of the soot there.

“Yes?” Cas could barely contain his need.

“I loved you covered in blood.” He bit at Castiel’s neck and Cas awarded him with a moan of his name. “So powerful, so beautiful, like a painting.” He sucked and lapped his tongue over the bite he had made.

“I feel the same way. I know how.” Cas paused. “Are you?”

“I never fucked anyone Cas. I tried, I could get it up then I’d open my eyes and it wasn’t you and I just couldn’t. I’m clean.”

“Got a blood test after Anna; while I was in the hospital.” He shoved his hands under Dean’s shirt and pulled it off. His mouth attached to the hollow place between Dean’s pectorals. He pushed Dean down on the bed and reached over into his night stand pulling out a small paring knife. “After he quit coming to me I was still afraid he would.”

“You don’t have to explain.” Dean’s voice was strong and sure. Cas got up and poured alcohol over it to clean it off. He pulled his shirt off throwing it to the floor.

“Don’t bear down too hard, just enough to draw blood.” He said straddling Dean for a kiss before sliding down and unbuckling his jeans. His hand intentionally grazing his boyfriend’s erection that matched his own. He pushed them down pulling them off with his boxers. “Right here is good, be careful though, femoral artery lies just under, very light.”

“How do you know?” Dean asked loving the dark look in Castiel’s eyes. Castiel was out of his pants in a moment.

"These.” Small white lines littered his thigh. “They bleed so pretty but you have to be very, very careful.” Cas paused and felt he needed to explain. “I hurt so much after what happened, plus him, I just needed some kind of release.”

“Show me. I trust you.” Castiel leaned over him kissing him deeply, gripping his dick and pumping a few times. “I trust you Castiel.” A growl came from somewhere deep within Castiel. “You’ve bled enough, just use mine this time.”

“Fuck, Dean.” Castiel breathed against him before dipping down and picking up his knife. A drew gently against Dean’s thigh, once, twice, three times. When the crimson liquid rose to the surface Cas took it on his fingers and held it up to show Dean. “Where?”

“On your throat.” Castiel obliged his lover. His fingers warm with Dean’s blood wiped from his chin and jaw down to his collar bone. “Damn, I,” Dean closed his eyes and released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Cas made cuts four, five, and six. The first three still bled but based on Dean’s reaction they would need a little more. The fruits of this swipe ended across Dean’s chest cutting across the contours of his abs. Dean reached down and then grabbed Castiel’s hip, then Cas against Dean’s left shoulder, a perfect hand print. Without warning Cas drew Dean’s thick cock into his mouth. Hot, bitter, smooth.

“Oh fuck, Castiel.” Dean cursed his fingers gripping the hair of the other man. Cas moaned at Dean using his full name which caused Dean to buck his hips hard into the back of Ca’s throat. Cas swiped at Dean’s thighs and ran his bloody hands over Dean’s body before pulling off his cock. Quickly he reached in the drawer to the sound of Dean’s protests.

“Don’t worry baby. It’ll be better.”

“Cas.”

“What?” Cas said pulling the lube from his drawer and adding it to his fingers to ready himself.

“Look.” They both turned to the mirror over the mantle on the wall. Cas had to admit they were gorgeous together. Covered in Dean’s blood, dripping sweat, arms filthy with dirt and ash. Cas’s collarbone and chest were covered in blood from sucking Dean’s dick.“Let me.” Dean took the lube from Cas and added a finger, Cas hissing into his mouth. “Want it this way?”

“I want to be able to kiss you, and I promised to fuck you.” Cas leaned down biting at Dean’s collar bone. “More.” Dean added another finger and Cas reached back for more blood, it was drying so he had to use what precious little was left. He spread it over Dean’s cheeks and mouth before leaning down for a kiss. “Enough. I’m ready.” Dean helped guide Castiel’s hips over himself and inhaled deeply as Cas lowered down.

“Fuck, fuck.” Dean moaned, his fingers digging bruises into Castiel’s hips. “You’re so fucking tight Castiel.” Castiel rose slightly and lowered himself again.

“You like?” He asked rising again. “Better than any of the twat you could have had.” A growl rumbled through Dean’s chest.

“Only wanted this, you.” Cas leaned down and kissed Dean again, his lips and tongue moving to the bloodier parts of his face.

“You imagined it like this?” Cas’s mouth was at Dean’s ear, his hips pumping slowly, agonizingly. “Me covered in your blood, riding you, hardly,” he bit behind Dean’s ear, “able to breath.” He leaned back away from Dean and caught their image in the mirror. “Look at us now.” Dean groaned his hips bucking into Cas, hitting deep inside. “Fuck, again.” Cas demanded. Dean obliged and was awarded with Castiel grinding down to meet him. Dean’s fingers wrapped themselves around Castiel’s cock. Thumb running over his head pumping with Castiel’s thrust.

“We have wanted this moment for so long, I want to see your face when you come. Eyes wide, fuck, perfect.” Dean urged. “Come for me baby. All over me.” Dean moaned as Cas rode harder. Cas came his fingers digging into Dean’s biceps. His come spreading across Dean’s chest. Dean came moments later, thrusting into Cas a few final times. Gently Castiel rolled off of him. “I love you Castiel. I love you more than I could ever love anyone else.” Dean said kissing him.

“I love you Dean.” Cas said running his fingers through Dean’s hair. Dean would never leave him again.

**Present**

“You’ve got those sheets?” Dean asked pouring bleach through the shower again. Cas was stripping the bed from their play last night and this morning.

“Yeah babe. Come on. The sun will be up soon. We gotta go.” Dean wrapped the bleach bottle in the pillowcase and dropped it in the trash bag with the others. They had barely had any sleep. But they were alive. They could feel oxygen and smell colors. They snuck out the window the same way they had come in. Cas mad sure it was all the way down when the shoved the screen back in. Cutting back through the woods they made their way back to Michael’s apartment. Once at the apartment Cas pulled out Michaels laptop and submitted their US History project, the one that had been done for a week. At 9AM Cas caught a bus to the garage where the Lexus was and picked it up then drove and picked up Dean. The packed the car and headed for Florida.

**2 Months Later**

Dean was holding Cas across the stomach as they sat on John and Mary Winchester’s floor. They were home alone but watching the news. “There is still no news on the brutal murder of beloved doctor Fergus Crowley. Although a source at a local hospital has divulged that the doctor may not have been as loveable as we have been led to believe.” The anchor was pretty in a common sort of way. “None of his children have elected to speak to us on his death. It seems that this case will go unsolved, the only blood found at Dr. Crowley’s house was that of his youngest son Castiel who has admitted to seeing him, having suffered a severe beating only to be pulled away by his friend.” Dean kissed the crown of Castiel’s head.

“I love you.” Castiel sighed leaning back into his chest more.

“All the way.” Dean answered pulling him tight against his chest.


End file.
